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It’s election season, and there are many issues worth debating. But before you get into a heated discussion with someone else, keep in mind that it costs more to argue than to listen. If you spend time arguing, you lose out on the opportunity to hear what another person has to teach you. 

Of course, people love to argue—winning in front of others feels good. The elation often shows up seconds after you make a strong point. It feels good to be heard and even better to “win” an argument.

When you argue, if your goal is to feel smart, then changing someone’s mind was never really your goal. You end up making the other person your audience, not a participant in a conversation. Here’s a simple test to see whether that’s what you’re doing: 

Picture the person you’re arguing with changes their mind next week, quietly, in the privacy of their home. They never tell you that they changed their mind. You don’t get credit or an apology. And there is no moment where they admit to you that you were right.

Does that still feel like a win?

If it doesn’t, then you don’t actually care whether they agree with you or not. You want to be seen winning. Remember: Agreement and being the winner are two different things.

Because your peace > advice

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