💡 Why Your Anger Can Wait Until Morning
🦉 Words of Wisdom
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“Never go to bed angry” sounds like wise advice. It isn’t.
The advice assumes that anger is dangerous and needs to be suppressed quickly. But anger isn’t the problem. It’s a very typical human reaction to feeling hurt, dismissed, or wronged. Treating anger like a threat is where the real trouble starts.
Think about how things really go down when you and your partner or you and your kid try to “resolve” anything before bedtime. Your phone says it's 11pm. Both of you are exhausted. One of you is angry, possibly a little defensive, and is not thinking clearly. That’s not the opportune time to have a hard conversation. It’s probably the worst time. Exhaustion can cause people to say things that they don’t mean just to end the fight and go to bed.
So what’s the best thing to do?
Let the anger exist for a night. You can say, “I'm still upset about this, and I don’t want to talk about it right now. Let’s pick it up tomorrow.” Then sleep on it.
This isn’t avoidance. Avoidance is never bringing up the issue again. Planning to address the issue tomorrow, when you’re rested and clearer, is the opposite: It’s taking the conversation seriously enough to give it the proper attention.
Anger itself typically doesn’t ruin relationships. Plenty of people get angry at each other regularly and stay close for decades. What causes damage is the rush to smother hard emotions before they’ve had a chance to be felt or understood.
Go to bed angry. And talk tomorrow.
Because not every “something’s wrong with me” feeling is telling the truth
Words of Wisdom
The greatest remedy for anger is delay
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