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Last week we talked about why getting into arguments is never worth it. 

And, by now we know that getting dragged into an argument is an ego trap. 

Yet IRL it’s far too slippery to not indulge in one. All it takes is a light comment or some free advice, and ten seconds later we are back to high school debate night. It feels refreshing for a little while until it turns into a headache.

So, why do we keep indulging in arguments when we value peace? ⠀ 

Philosopher Dan Cohen (a famous academic) who spent decades thinking about how we argue, has an answer: we generally equate an argument to a war. 

For example: Listen to the words we use when we disagree, in contrast to, when we agree with someone. For most of us, disagreements aren’t pleasant. We put our braces up, ready to defend with counter arguments that are very rude sometimes. 

So, when your brain treats a disagreement like a war, only two outcomes exist: glorious triumph or total defeat. Walking away feels like losing. ⠀

So here are four tips to drop the argument and protect your peace: 

1) Find what they want from it. When someone tries to drag you into an argument, check what their goal is. Because a real discussion is about finding a solution together. But an argument is just an ego boost disguised as a conversation. If they are using any wrong tactics to show you’re wrong and they are right, that’s when you know you should leave that conversation as quickly as possible. 

2) Choose to let them be right. Ask yourself what you actually win by trying to convince someone to believe something they refuse to think. Your peace is worth way more than winning a pointless debate. Hand them the cheap trophy of an ego boost while you walk away calm. You have nothing to prove to someone who only wants to win.

3) Step into the audience. Instead of playing the role of the defensive opponent, picture yourself sitting in a theatre watching the two of you argue. It’s even better, if you laugh at this imagination. When you watch the performance from the outside, the emotional heat leaves your chest instantly. You stop taking their bait personally. 

4) Use grey-rock tactics as your exit strategy. Show that you have zero interest in fighting. Keep your voice flat, give a plain nod, or offer a calm three word reply before changing the subject. A war cannot happen when only one person shows up to fight. 

You don’t have anything to prove. You don’t need validation or attention. ⠀ 

If you know you’re right, keep it to yourself. Silence is the best response, to walk away from conflicts. 

We love you,
Mona & The Sol TV Team ❤️

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