Welcome to Wisdom & Sol! If you haven’t subscribed, join our community of 95,000 intelligent, curious folks who want to boost their emotional well-being by subscribing here.
It seems like the world today functions in extremes. There was a time when people felt shame going to therapy, and now therapy-speak is mainstream.
Instead of saying, “He didn’t text back,” you might say “He love bombed me and then turned out to be an avoidant.” A friend who canceled plans twice in a row stopped being a “flake” or “a terrible friend” and is now accepted as someone whose “nervous system is dysregulated.”
We didn’t get more self-aware. We got more words to describe an old reflex: blaming anyone but yourself when something negative happens.
This doesn’t happen only in relationships. Open any group chat at work and there’s probably a diagnosis about a manager in there. A blunt Slack message is now considered “toxic communication.” None of that came directly from a clinical professional, it came from an individual’s feeling that needed somewhere to go.
Real clinical language describes a pattern a professional assesses over time, with context. Borrowed clinical language skips all of that. It takes a fact (“They went quiet for two days”) and jumps straight to a verdict (“That person is a narcissist”) without assessment over time.
It doesn’t mean we have to stop labeling people, but you have to consider that you aren’t perfect—and may even be part of the problem you’re blaming on the other person.
Here are three things to consider that may help you see things differently:
1. Get your bloodwork done before you diagnose someone else.
Low levels of vitamin D, B12, iron, or thyroid hormones can manifest as low motivation, brain fog, or an anxiety you can’t explain. Most people haven’t had a full panel in years, if ever, because nothing hurt enough to make the appointment feel worth it.
2. Look at your last 24 hours.
Consider how much you slept, how much water versus coffee you consumed, and when you last ate. Three coffees on an empty stomach can definitely make you feel like the other person is the problem, and hormonal ups and downs do the same thing.
3. Give it time before you jump to a conclusion—or pseudo-diagnosis.
A professional doesn’t diagnose a patient in the time it takes to type a text. If you slapped a psychology label on someone after 10 seconds, it’s probably not accurate, it’s just you being annoyed. That’s allowed, of course, but it’s a different thing.
Tell a friend your iron was low and the conversation kind of ends there. Tell them you’re struggling with something deeper and they show up for you. That’s why the label wins—it gets you comfort today, while a blood test gets you a fact weeks later. None of this makes you dramatic. It just makes the fast option very hard to turn down.
Most of the time a feeling is just a feeling and it deserves attention, not a lab test. After all, someone can simply treat you badly. But look deeper before you decide what their behavior is about. Sometimes your pain could really be from a vitamin deficiency, not some else’s personality deficiency.
Help us make this newsletter even better for you! Was this issue useful? What would you be excited to read about next? Reply to this email with your thoughts and suggestions. We read every response!
Want More: Tools to Build Emotional Intelligence
This Edition’s Sponsors: The Rundown AI
How 2M+ Professionals Stay Ahead on AI
What’s the secret to staying ahead of the curve in the world of AI? Information.
Luckily, you can join 2,000,000+ early adopters reading The Rundown AI — the free newsletter that makes you smarter on AI with just a 5-minute read per day.
Along the Same Lines…
We love you,
Mona & The Sol TV Team ❤️
Lastly, some housekeeping…
If you can’t find the newsletter, check your spam folder. If it’s there, mark it as “not spam.”
Whitelist our email. Add our email address [email protected] to your contacts list or your Primary inbox in Gmail.