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In the last newsletter, we looked at how assigning playful characters to your emotions can work magic in helping you understand them better. But how do you actually do it?
So, a lot of studies show that just by seeing your emotions from another person’s perspective (like your friend’s), can take some intensity off your emotional experiences.
This tends to be very useful when experiencing high intensity negative emotions such as anxiety and anger.
All you need is to figure out when to do this. To make it easier, try these three tips:
1. Use your name to talk to yourself
When you find that a particular emotion is taking hold of you, use your literal “first name” instead of “I” to describe how you are feeling. So instead of saying, “I am feeling so anxious”, say “Sarah is feeling anxious at this time. Why is Sarah feeling anxious?” Or you can say it in a fun way, “Oh, Sarah’s over-thinker is back again.”
This may seem somewhat odd at first, but it’s super effective (read more about it here). Using your name allows you to view the situation as if you were observing a friend experiencing these feelings. It makes you less involved emotionally, which makes you more rational. It’s a small change, but it can help you relax. Not only that, it can also inject some humor into acknowledging your emotions.
2. View the negative experience from an outsider’s perspective
When you continue to replay an argument or something else from the past in your mind, imagine that you’re watching it from across the room—or picture yourself on a TV screen. Then ask: Why was he/she acting that way?
This works because if you continually ask yourself “Why did I allow this to occur?” while you’re still caught up in the situation, it will probably make you feel even worse.
However, if you ask yourself the same question while imagining that you are observing it as an outsider, it will be much easier to determine what happened without becoming upset about it. You can practice this skill by writing in a journal each night, which can help you develop more emotional intelligence.
3. Stay close to happy moments
The more you put distance between yourself and difficult or sad events—observing the moment in your mind rather than re-experiencing it—the less emotional strength it will have. So on the flip side, when an event gives you happiness, allow yourself to linger in that moment and enjoy it fully.
After a positive event has happened, replay it by seeing it with your own eyes: What did you see? Who else was involved and what were they saying? How did you feel? In these instances, use “I” instead of referring to yourself in the third-person. For example, if your boss told you that you had given the best presentation of the week, don’t take a step back and tell yourself “Sarah did well today.” Return to the moment and tell yourself something like, “I was standing on that stage and my boss smiled at me. I felt such pride.”
This allows that positive emotion to remain alive a little longer. This trick is backed by studies and brings more positivity to your life.
Want More: Tools to Manage Emotions
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