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It looks like the world today functions in extremes. A few years back therapy was a big taboo, and now therapy-speak has become an everyday thing.

“He didn’t text back” became “he love bombed me and then turned out to be an avoidant.” A friend canceling plans twice in a row stopped being a friend and became someone whose nervous system is dysregulated.

We didn’t get more self-aware. We got more words to describe an old reflex— something happened so someone else must be guilty, and usually it’s whoever is easiest to blame, and it’s not us.

This doesn’t happen only in relationships. Open any group chat at work and diagnosis about a manager has been made. A blunt Slack message is now toxic communication. None of that came from a clinical professional, it came from a feeling that needed somewhere to go.

Real clinical language describes a pattern a professional assesses, over time, with context. Borrowed clinical language skips all of that. It takes a fact (they went quiet for two days) and jumps straight to a verdict (they’re a narcissist) without assessment over time.

It doesn't mean stop labeling people, because that’s just another label. What I’d say is check these before, instead of after.

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1. Get your actual bloodwork done before you diagnose someone else.

Vitamin D, B12, iron, thyroid. Low levels of any of them can look exactly like low motivation, brain fog, or an anxiety you can’t explain. Most people haven’t had a full panel in years, if ever, because nothing hurt enough to make the appointment feel worth it.

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2. Look at your last 24 hours.

How much you slept, how much water versus coffee, when you last ate. Three coffees on an empty stomach can definitely make you feel like the other person is the problem, and hormonal ups and downs do the same thing on paper.

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3. Give it the time a real diagnosis would take.

A professional doesn’t decide in the time it takes to type a text. If the label took you ten seconds, it’s probably not one, it’s just you being annoyed, which is allowed, but it’s a different thing.

Labeling is also just faster. A word takes three seconds to type into a group chat and checking any of the three above takes longer, and it doesn’t come with the same feeling of being understood.

Tell a friend your iron was low and the conversation kind of ends there. Tell them you’re struggling with something deeper and they show up for you. That’s why the label wins, it gets you comfort today and the test gets you a fact weeks later. None of this makes you dramatic. It just makes the fast option very hard to turn down.

Most of the time a feeling is just a feeling and it deserves attention, not a lab test. Someone can still have treated you badly. Look deeper before you decide, that’s all. Sometimes your pain is a real vitamin deficiency.

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