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In the last newsletter, we looked at how assigning playful characters to your emotions can work magic in helping you understand them better. But how do you actually do it?

So, a lot of studies show that just by seeing your emotions from another person’s perspective (like your friend), can take some intensity off your emotional experiences.

This tends to be very useful when experiencing high intensity negative emotions such as anxiety and anger.

All you need is to figure out when to do this. To make it easier, we have three tips for you: 

1. Use your name to talk to yourself

When you find that a particular emotion is taking hold of you, use your literal “first name” instead of “I” to describe how you are feeling. So instead of saying, “I am feeling so anxious”, say “Sarah is feeling anxious at this time. Why is Sarah feeling anxious?” Or you can say it in a fun way, “Oh, Sarah’s over-thinker is back again.”

This seems somewhat odd at first, but it is super effective, you can read more about it here. Using your name allows you to view the situation as if you were observing a friend experiencing these feelings. You are less involved emotionally, therefore, you are more rational. Its a small change and it helps you relax. Not only this, it also injects some humor along with you acknowledging your emotions.

2. View the negative experience from an outsider’s perspective

When you continue to replay the past in your mind (an argument, etc.) imagine that you are watching it from across the room (i.e., see yourself on a TV screen). Then ask: Why was he/she acting that way?

This works because if you continually ask yourself “Why did I allow this to occur?” while still caught up in the situation, you probably will feel even worse.

But, if you ask yourself the same question while imagining that you are observing it from outside, then it’s much easier to determine what happened without becoming upset about it. With practice, such as by writing in a journal each evening, you can develop more emotional intelligence. 

3. Stay close to happy moments

The more you observe a moment rather than experience it yourself, the less its emotional strength. So, when an event gives you happiness, allow yourself to linger in that moment, and enjoy it fully.

After a positive event has happened, replay it by seeing it with your own eyes: What did you see? Who else was involved and what were they saying? How did you feel? (Remember to use “I” instead of using your name.) This is backed by studies and brings more positivity to you.

For instance, if your boss told you that you had given the best presentation of the week, don’t take a step back and tell yourself “Sara did well today.” Return to the moment that you experienced it. “I was standing on that stage; she smiled at me; I felt such pride.” Allow that positive emotion to remain alive a little longer. Leave distance between you and difficult or sad events.

We love you,
Mona & The Sol TV Team ❤️

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