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Achieving happiness is a process that works like losing weight: You can’t transform yourself in a day, even with help from the best experts. Yet we’re often told that happiness comes in one big breakthrough. We chase that big high and ignore the fact that happiness can be found in our daily grind.

Just as you can’t eat healthy once a month and expect to get a six-pack, you can’t rely on one “happy event” to sustain you. Happiness is the accumulation of small experiences that build a buffer against life’s ups and downs.

There is no Everest moment. No summit where you can plant a flag and declare, “I’m happy now.” As your life changes, your needs change. Happiness requires ongoing maintenance.

Forget “manifesting” good vibes—here is the unglamorous work you need to do to achieve happiness.

1. Romanticize “Normal” Life

Stop treating your life like it’s on hold until your next big vacation. If you’re only living for a trip, or even just the weekend, you’re ghosting 70% of your own life. Instead, take a look at your last few Tuesday afternoons, for example. How “wonderful” your experiences were doesn't matter, but how “regular” they have been does matter.

Take Action: Schedule three “mildly nice” things every single day to build a chain of small joys that make you happy. It could just be a five minute stroll in nature, or watching a clip of a stand-up comedian that makes you burst in laughter, or chatting with a friend to give you a rush of excitement.

2. Plan Your “Mind Diet”

When most of us think about how we’re going to spend our days, most of the time it revolves around what our bodies are going to do: eat brunch, hike, go to Pilates, for example. We rarely ask, “What am I doing with my mind today?” Our minds tend to wander a lot, especially during commutes or downtime. A wandering mind is usually an unhappy one. 

Take Action: Create a menu for your mind before a social media algorithm does it for you. Almost 60% of mind-wandering happens during a commute, which means you can start and end your day feeling exhausted and unhappy. Each morning before you head out the door, ask yourself, “What will I think about while I commute?” Have a plan ready for your mind—maybe you’ll listen to a specific podcast, mentally brainstorm a solution for a family problem, or replay a positive memory that makes you smile. Do not let your mind graze on junk thoughts or TikTok trends by default.

3. Be Nice (Ideally for Selfish Reasons)

“Doing something for others makes you happy” may sound like a cliché parents feed kids to get them to be helpful, but the statement really is true. Still, let’s reframe it and view it through a selfish lens. When you volunteer, you may or may not actually help the other person, but you most certainly help yourself. It’s a serotonin bio-hack. Serotonin is a feel-good brain chemical that regulates mood and happiness. When you do something kind, your brain gives you a lift also known as 'helper's high'—you feel calmer, happier, and less anxious. Your brain literally rewards you for being nice.

Take Action: Pick a lowkey way to be useful. We aren’t talking about something big, such as saving the manatees, but more in the lines of listening to a friend's venting without looking at your phone. When you notice someone else’s struggles and help them out even just a little bit, it significantly turns the volume down on your own problems.

Happiness, at its root, is a habit that you can cultivate. All it takes is realization that little joys can be found in the mundane, boring, consistent work of living well.

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