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🦋 The Secret Hell of Perfectionism: Why It's More Than an Offbeat Habit

💡 The Heavy Toll of Perfectionism

🔎 What's Really Behind Perfectionism?

⏭️ What's Next

💥 The Two Things Every Perfectionist Gets Wrong

📹 Neil Seligman on Overcoming Perfectionism

🦉 Words of Wisdom

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The Secret Hell of Perfectionism: Why It’s More Than an Offbeat Habit

Have you ever noticed how loosely people toss around the term “perfectionist”? When it comes out in the form of closet color-coding or triple-checking every email, it’s typically perceived as an eccentric quirk. Meanwhile, some people think of it as OCD, and others might say "Oh, I'm such a perfectionist," like it's a badge of honor.

But actual perfectionism isn't quirky or cute. It's a harsh inner critic, trailing behind you like a shadow, constantly informing you that you're never enough unless everything is perfect. If you've ever been brought to a halt by that voice, you're not alone.

In this two-part newsletter, we'll untangle what perfectionism is and how to break free from it.

The Heavy Toll of Perfectionism

Perfectionism isn’t just a mindset—it’s a thief. Research links it to serious issues like depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and even suicide.

But even if you’re not grappling with clinical diagnoses, perfectionism can wreak havoc on your daily life. Here’s how:

Procrastination Overdrive: Perfectionists avoid starting tasks, not wanting implementation to fall short. They believe never starting is safer than risking failure.
Missed Possibilities: Spending so much time trying to make a project perfect means less time spent with family and friends, on leisure activities, or doing something else worthwhile to that time.
Chronic Stress: The compulsion to "do more" increases the workload, leading to burnout and depletion.
Lack of Satisfaction: That critical voice makes it difficult to relish success, and always nudged perfectionists toward what must be done next or what went astray.

Perfectionism isn't a mark of diligence—it's a thief that steals your peace and joy.

What's Really Behind Perfectionism?

You may believe perfectionism is all about pursuing flawless results—being the game winner, never getting a wrong answer on a test, or being an outstanding project maven.

While perfectionists actually know that perfection cannot be achieved, they can't help themselves.

Why? Not because of being perfect—it's about pursuing the feeling of being perfect.

For many people, perfectionism begins in childhood as a response to pain or trauma:

A child of divorce may attempt perfect grades, trying to "fix" family turmoil.
A middle child, neglected in comparison to siblings, labors to gain attention.
A kid with an unreliable parent plots carefully to feel safe.

These habits stick since they work—at least temporarily. Perfect grades deflect sorrow; perfect planning defuses fear. Over time, perfectionism becomes a habitual shield against the memory of hurt feelings, a self-defeating cycle that is really hard to break.

What's Next

If you find yourself falling into a perfectionist trap, remind yourself that what you’re doing isn’t trying to achieve a perfect outcome—it’s about escaping emotional pain. Understanding this is the first step to loosening its hold on you.

Next week, we’ll share practical strategies to manage perfectionism and get back some time and live with more freedom.

In the meantime, where does perfectionism show up in your life?

Write down an example—or better still, email it to us, and stay tuned for next weeks newsletter on tools to overcome it.

And get ready for Part 2 next week, where we’ll share practical steps to break the perfectionism cycle.

The Two Things Every Perfectionist Gets Wrong

P.S., everyone else is secretly struggling too

Click Here to Read Now

Video Bite

Sol TV Creator Neil Seligman shares a valuable lesson to overcome perfectionsim on his journey as both lawyer and founder. Here’s how you can do it too!

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Words of Wisdom

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Perfectionism is a self-destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame.

Brené Brown

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