Early Scars

Negative childhood experiences like being picked on or experiencing humiliation can lay the foundation of fear and mistrust in social settings. They can hurt self-esteem and increase the likelihood of feeling anxious around others. Even seeing other people get bullied can raise anxiety levels, making the world seem dangerous and hard to predict.

Pressure to Be Perfect

If you experience social anxiety, you may feel that other people expect you to act in ways that feel far beyond your social abilities. You might believe your social skills aren’t good enough to meet those expectations. This feeling often comes from comparing yourself to high standards and doubting your ability to measure up. Even after a positive interaction, you might worry about whether you made a good impression or feel pressure to keep performing at that level next time. This constant stress—worrying about meeting expectations and fearing judgment—is what drives much of your anxiety.

Physical Signs Take Over

People with social anxiety feel their bodies’ reactions—blushing, sweating, trembling, or a shaky voice—are obvious giveaways in public. They often worry that others will notice and think less of them, as if these physical reactions scream, "I'm nervous!" or "I'm failing!" The fear makes them zero in on every sensation, which only amps up the symptoms, creating a cycle in which worrying about looking anxious fuels more anxiety.

1) Deep breathing—such as inhaling for four seconds, holding for seven, exhaling for eight—works because it directly calms your nervous system. Decades of research on how breath regulates stress hormones support this. 

2) Progressive muscle relaxation, where you tense for ten seconds and release muscle groups for ten seconds like your hands or neck, can help you shed physical tension that anxiety creates. In fact, studies show that it lowers heart rate and stress markers. 

3) Positive self-talk, which is grounded in cognitive behavioral research, can directly counter social anxiety by reshaping your mindset. In social moments, try to catch thoughts like "I don't belong" and replace them with "I'm worthy of being here." Write down affirmations each day, such as "I'm capable in my own way," and say them aloud.

4) Make a list of the types of moments you avoid, and slowly start exposing yourself to them. Facing social situations, such as small talk or group hangouts, can feel overwhelming, but you can ease in gradually and grow confident. Score the situations on your list from 0 (no stress) to 10 (intense) based on how tough they feel, and start with the least-stressful one. Expose yourself to it for about 45 minutes, making an effort to let go of your protective coping habits, like avoiding eye contact or staying quiet. Keep a diary, so that each time you get through a challenge, you can note what happened, how it felt, and track your progress. When one activity feels manageable, move to the next one. 

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