⚡ All About Agency

🕵️ 10 Signs of High Agency (Plus Bonus “Secret Clues” People Don’t Talk About)

☀️ Sol Bites: Simple Checklist to Find the Right Partner

🦉 Words of Wisdom

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Here’s a scenario that may sound familiar to you: You meet someone, go out on a few dates, and you’re thrilled. The person is bold, charming, and exciting—they seem different from the lame and negative people you’ve gone out with (and ended things with) in the past. You’re feeling really hopeful . . . until you slowly come to realize that they’re actually passive, pessimistic, or dependent. In other words, not for you.

Why does this keep happening? You’re dating people who are low agency.

Today, we’ll walk you through how to get better at spotting that type from the start by helping you identify some signals most people miss. You’ll also find out how to build relationships with people who are high agency.

All About Agency

Having agency in your life means you believe you can influence it in a meaningful way. Low-agency people wait for things to happen. They complain, hesitate, absorb others' opinions, and rarely take the initiative. High-agency people act, adapt, take responsibility, and grow. They know what they want and go after it.

10 Signs of High Agency

10 Signs of High Agency

(Plus Bonus “Secret Clues” People Don’t Talk About)

Here’s what to look for when you’re seeking a relationship with a high-agency person.

1) They take action.

They try things first, then learn from experience.

Dating Clue: They’ll plan outings, suggest ideas, and take initiative without overthinking.

Bonus Clue: People who went against the grain as teens and had unique hobbies (coding obsessively, competitive fencing, writing dystopian novels) had a lot of practice using their agency to go after what they want.

2) They bring good energy.

When you walk away from a high agency individual, you feel lifted, not drained.

Dating Clue: After seeing them, you feel more alive, even if you’ve had a tiring day.

3) They're resourceful.

When things go wrong, they don't freeze, they find a way.

Dating Clue: They find fun alternatives when plans fall apart.

Bonus Clue: Any person who has moved cities, or even countries without much support, has already demonstrated agency, resourcefulness, and willingness to start from scratch.

4) They communicate assertively.

They are honest and kind, but also direct with what they want.

Dating Clue: They don't just agree with you; they share their preferences confidently.

5) They handle feedback well.

They don’t get defensive when they get feedback. They listen and adapt.

Dating Clue: Look for how the person responds when you give them little feedback. A high agency person will be respectful, not reactive.

6) They learn quickly and are adaptable.

These types of people update their beliefs rather than hold onto outdated ones.

Dating Clue: When you ask “What’s something you’ve changed your mind about recently?” they should have a good answer.

7) They know their values.

You’re looking for someone who can articulate what matters to them.

Dating Clue: Find out what qualities they admire in a friend. The clarity of their answer will tell you what they care about.

8) They take responsibility.

They own their mistakes quickly and apologize well.

Dating Clue: When things are going wrong, they will take ownership, not make excuses.

9) They don’t just consume—they build.

They have creative, active passions, not simply passive ones.

Dating Clue: When you ask about their hobbies, look for signs of making not just watching.

Bonus Clue: They are the first to find interesting content. They don't need likes or trends to tell them what is cool.

10) They're curious and a bit contrarian.

They think independently instead of reactively.

Dating Clue: You should get an interesting answer when you ask, “What’s something you strongly believe that most people don’t?

A Bonus Clue: High-agency will never be polite to your face and gossip behind your back. They give it to you straight and have your back when you're not around. Low-agency people do the opposite.

 

The three circles that'll change how you spend your energy.

Sol Bites: Simple Checklist to Find the Right Partner 

Agency is one of the most important qualities in a long-term partner or in any close relationship, love or otherwise. High-agency people act, clearly communicate, and adapt to grow. Beyond those obvious signs, they’ll likely also have unconventional hobbies, unique opinions, and can handle change with ease. By asking good questions early on—and seeing how they react to any feedback you give them—you can tell if a person has agency. Remember, you're not being too picky, you're just learning so you can pick well.

Words of Wisdom

The moment you take responsibility for everything in your life is the moment you can change anything in your life

Hal Elrod

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