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Here’s a scenario that may sound familiar to you: You meet someone, go out on a few dates, and you’re thrilled. The person is bold, charming, and exciting—they seem different from the lame and negative people you’ve gone out with (and ended things with) in the past. You’re feeling really hopeful . . . until you slowly come to realize that they’re actually passive, pessimistic, or dependent. In other words, not for you.

Why does this keep happening? You’re dating people who are low agency.

Today, we’ll walk you through how to get better at spotting that type from the start by helping you identify some signals most people miss. You’ll also find out how to build relationships with people who are high agency.

Having agency in your life means you believe you can influence it in a meaningful way. Low-agency people wait for things to happen. They complain, hesitate, absorb others' opinions, and rarely take the initiative. High-agency people act, adapt, take responsibility, and grow. They know what they want and go after it.

The three circles that'll change how you spend your energy.

Agency is one of the most important qualities in a long-term partner or in any close relationship, love or otherwise. High-agency people act, clearly communicate, and adapt to grow. Beyond those obvious signs, they’ll likely also have unconventional hobbies, unique opinions, and can handle change with ease. By asking good questions early on—and seeing how they react to any feedback you give them—you can tell if a person has agency. Remember, you're not being too picky, you're just learning so you can pick well.

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Check your rates today.

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