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Imagine you screwed up in a team meeting, tripping over your words on a crucial point. Now think about what you do next. Most of us just don’t move on, we carry the shame with us like a battle scar. The moment might get replayed so often in your mind that it turns it into a narrative about your identity: "I suck at meetings. I should just keep my mouth shut next time."
When perfectionism like that plays out in your work life, it ruins your capacity to grow and improve.
Many studies have shown that perfectionism also leads to increased stress levels, anxiety, and depression. Perfectionists are also vulnerable to burnout and more likely to put things off. A lot of us aim to be flawless, but it's making us less effective and more unhappy.
If you fall into the trap of perfectionism, there are two things you need to remember to get yourself out of it.
1. One Mistake Doesn’t Define You
Let’s go back to the example from the start. Flubbing a line in a presentation doesn’t prove anything about your overall speaking skills—maybe what it means is that you just didn’t get enough sleep. Still, you may find that even with small mistakes, you hold onto the incident and turn it into a blanket statement about yourself.
Start noticing when your mind clutches onto negative labels. Practice seeing moments when you make mistakes as events that happened, then let them pass like you are watching a movie. Use the incidents to learn lessons about what to change next time. Remember, you don’t remain the same forever. As a child, you probably did a lot of things wrong, and then you learned to not do them that way again. This is the same idea.
2. Everyone Struggles with Something
We all have different flaws. That coworker who talks so well in meetings? She might struggle with one-on-one conversations. The guy who delivers great presentations? He might not be good at making quick decisions. Your boss who seems so sure of herself? Maybe she avoids tough talks with her own higher-ups.
We all have our own mix of strengths and weaknesses and areas that we can improve.
Consider this: There's not much difference between someone who gets mad and throws stuff, someone who gets mad and says harsh things, and someone who gets mad and judges. They're all dealing with the same uncontrolled anger, just showing it in different ways.
When we realize that the world itself is illogical and imperfect, we give room for ourselves and others to be imperfect, too.
The Shift
When you quit labeling mistakes as permanent flaws, you begin to view setbacks as useful data rather than final judgments.
After an awkward moment, the critical voice in your head will go from saying things like, “I'm a social disaster," to "I should work on my small talk skills." Or when you hand in a project late, you will tell yourself" I need to improve my time management" rather than "I can't be relied on."
When you're not carrying every past slip-up into each new situation, you’ll be able to try new things even if you won't be great right away. You may also find it easier to sign up for projects or voice your opinions in meetings.
Your previous errors don't define your future. Everyone around you has their own flaws and is dealing with their own issues.
The aim isn't perfection. The aim is to learn from what happened and give it another shot.
Each day brings a new beginning. Take advantage of this opportunity.
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