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We all have habits we developed in childhood that helped us feel safe, loved, or noticed. They shape how you act today creating unseen biases. In many cases, they develop into blind spots, leading you to repeat certain behaviors, get tripped up by specific emotions, and cling to outdated self-images—all without realizing it.

Because your blind spots aren’t obvious to you, tackling them can be a big challenge. After all, how can you fix them if you don’t even know they’re there?

You're Probably Wrong About How Good You Are (And Science Says So)

In a well-known study, researchers David Dunning and Justin Kruger tested people on how they rated their own skills. They gave participants tests on logical reasoning, grammar skills, and sense of humor, then asked those people to guess how they did compared to others. 

Something strange happened: People were way off about their actual abilities. In fact, those who scored in the bottom 12% (worse than 88% of people) thought they were above average, at the 62nd percentile. 

The difference between how you see yourself and how you really are is called the Perception Gap. And it causes most of your recurring problems.

The Emotions You Think You've Mastered (But Haven't)

Think about which of your emotions tend to bother you. For instance, is it anger that rolls in—and amps up—quickly and with no warning? Is it anxiety that creeps in during objectively low-stakes situations? Is it defensiveness that kicks in before you've even processed what someone else has said?

Those emotions aren't coming out of nowhere. Something inside of you is deciding how you respond before your thinking brain gets involved.

Meanwhile, there are different degrees to which you may even be aware of your emotions. Some people are disconnected from them entirely. Everything is "fine" until it very suddenly isn't. Others are flooded with feelings, and every feeling seems equally urgent and valid in the moment, even those that are misleading or unhelpful. Both groups believe they’re handling things normally, not seeing how their extremes cause problems.

The Behavior Patterns Everyone Notices Except You

Habits are easy to change once you notice them, but noticing them is the hard part.

Maybe you dominate conversations without realizing it. Or you go silent and let others fill the space, then resent that your ideas don't get heard. Maybe you avoid hard conversations until they become emergencies. Or you have hard conversations so bluntly that people shut down.

The first step is recognizing that what you consider 'normal' behavior may not be perceived as neutral by others. For instance, what you see as 'just being direct' might be interpreted as aggression.

What Your Blind Spots Are Actually Costing You

You don’t need to change your core identity, but understanding how your unconscious habits and emotional reactions affect your life can help you address their impact. Old habits from childhood, formed to keep you safe or loved, might be still controlling your life. They made sense back then but might not now. Everyone has blind spots—habits or reactions you don’t notice. 

Once you see yours, they lose their power and open up new possibilities in your life.

The question is: Do you want to discover them?

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