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I used to bomb at public speaking. My stomach would knot up. My hands shook. I’d forget my lines and feel like everyone was judging me. I tried everything to fix it: practicing in front of a mirror, taking deep breaths, and, of course, picturing the audience in their underwear. It helped a little, but the nerves always came back. 

Then I realized something: My anxiety wasn’t the problem—it was a signal. 

I didn’t like the uncertainty, and my brain was freaking out to compensate.

A physical therapist once said something that made this realization even more clear: Chronic pain in one part of your body often comes from weakness in another. The fix isn’t pain relief—it’s about building strength. 

My public speaking anxiety was a similar situation. I had to address the real issue: I needed to get better at staying calm when things felt out of my control. 

To do that, I started building tolerance in small, uncomfortable or unknown situations, like taking a class with strangers. Slowly, my anxiety eased, not because I chased relief, but because I developed my muscle for handling uncertainty.

This lesson applies to all emotional struggles. Your pain—whether it’s worry, sadness, or procrastination—isn’t the problem. It’s a sign you need to strengthen a specific psychological skill. 

Keep reading to learn why this thinking works and how it can help in your own life.

The hard truth: thinking you’re “mentally tough” might be making you emotionally fragile.

Anxiety, depression, or insomnia are like a check-engine light. They’re telling you something’s off in your body. For example:

Treating the symptom—like popping a Xanax—might feel good for a bit, but it’s like icing a sore knee without fixing the weak hip causing it. The pain always comes back.

The real fix is building the weak “muscle.” When I was working on my own anxiety and pushed myself to start conversations with new people or share my opinion in group projects, it sucked at first, but each time I did it, I got stronger. My anxiety didn’t vanish, but it stopped running the show.

Chasing relief—like avoiding tough situations or drowning in coping strategies—just makes things worse. It’s like resting a sore back without strengthening your hamstrings. If you’re stuck in that cycle, building strength breaks it.

Sometimes, the problem goes deeper. My public speaking anxiety came from having low uncertainty tolerance, and also not trusting myself. I had to work on both: practicing small risks and reminding myself it’s okay if I screw up. 

If you’re losing sleep because you’re worrying, that worry might come from weak boundaries or saying yes to everyone. You’d need to practice saying no (boundary muscle) to ease the worry (anxiety muscle) to sleep better. It’s a chain, but you can untangle it.

Here’s a simple way to apply this lesson:

And here are some examples of what that looks like:

Your emotions aren’t your enemy. Anxiety, sadness, or anger are just messengers saying, “Hey, something needs work!” If you ignore them or obsess over them they’ll get louder, so instead you need to get curious. Ask, “What’s this feeling trying to tell me?” Then put your energy into building that strength, not numbing the pain.

When I started seeing my public speaking anxiety as a nudge to get more comfortable with not knowing how people will respond to me, everything changed. I’m not a pro yet, but I’m way better than I was. 

You can do this too. 

Whatever you’re struggling with, it’s not about feeling better—it’s about getting stronger. 

So think about this: What is your emotional pain trying to tell you? Grab a notebook, answer the question, and start building strength.

Want help picking an action for your specific struggle? Just reply to this email and ask us!

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Mona & The Sol TV Team ❤️

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