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Today, we’re diving into cognitive mediation, the idea that your thoughts—not the external world—shape how you feel. Let’s explore this psychological gem and how you can use it to stay cool, calm, and collected.

TL;DR

Your emotions don’t come from events—they come from how you think about them, a concept also known as cognitive mediation. It’s rooted in Richard Lazarus’ 1970s research, and the premise can be a game-changer for your emotional health. A vague email or a canceled plan doesn’t cause stress or anger; your interpretation of the event does. By noticing and shifting your inner stories (like negative self-talk or unrealistic expectations) you can take control of the way you react. 

Your Stories Should Be Good

Picture this: Your boss sends a vague email that says, “We need to talk.” If you instantly panic, it’s not the email’s fault—it’s the story you’re spinning about what it means. 

This is cognitive mediation. 

Whether you have stress from overthinking, frustration from dwelling on slights, or insecurity from harsh self-talk, your mental narrative is the real driver or whatever it’s driving.

Why care about this? Because owning your thoughts means you hold the reins to your emotions. It’s a ticket to feeling empowered, not stuck, no matter what life throws your way.

You’re the storyteller—so make your stories good ones.

What is Cognitive Mediation?

Cognitive mediation says events (like a canceled plan or a tough convo) don’t directly cause emotions. (e.g., disappointment or anxiety) It’s your interpretation of those events that sparks the feeling. For example:

• A friend bailing on dinner doesn’t make you mad; thinking “They’re so flaky” does.

• A missed deadline doesn’t make you feel worthless; believing “I always mess up” does.

The three big thought traps that shape your reactions are:

• Self-Talk: This is your inner monologue, and might result in overanalyzing or beat yourself up.

• Expectations: How you use “should” or “if-only” thoughts, such as “They should appreciate me.”

• Beliefs: Deeply held convictions, like “I’m not cut out for success.” 

By spotting and shifting these often invisible habits, you can change your emotional experience and handle life’s challenges like a pro.

Sol Bites: Steps to Overcome Negative Thinking

Ready to rewrite your emotional script? Here’s how to use cognitive mediation to level up:

Cognitive mediation is your secret weapon to getting emotional freedom. It’s not about dodging life’s challenges but choosing stories that lift you up instead of dragging you down. Next time your boss’s email spikes your stress or a friend’s lateness stings, pause, check your narrative, and decide how you want to change the script. 

You’ve got the power to be a storyteller who thrives. So, what story are you choosing today?

How to Stop Buying Into Your Brain’s Made-Up Emotional Drama

Your emotions don’t control you—your brain creates them, and you can shape the narrative. 

Words of Wisdom

Want More: Tools to Regulate Emotions

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