🔎 TL/DR
🎯 Focus on Actions Not Feelings
🍎 Sol Bites: Behavior Trumps All
🦉 Words of Wisdom
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TL/DR
Did you know that your choices shape your feelings more than your feelings shape your choices? You can’t think your way out of feeling bad, but if you focus on what you can control—your actions—you can act your way into feeling better.
Focus On Actions Not Feelings
Studies have shown that there is a connection between living an active lifestyle and earning more money. But does exercise make you rich? Probably not. It’s more likely that richer people have the time, resources, or habits to exercise more.
A similar mixed-up way of thinking occurs a lot with emotions and behaviors.
Do you worry because you’re insecure, or are you insecure because you worry?
Do you procrastinate because you’re distractible, or are you distractible because you procrastinate?
Are you lonely because you isolate, or do you isolate because you’re lonely?
Just because two things are related (like exercise and money), it doesn’t mean one causes the other. (You may have heard the phrase “correlation does not mean causation.”) A common mistake is assuming A causes B, when B might actually cause A (reverse causality).
The truth is, it’s usually both—A affects B, and B affects A.
Worrying about anxiety just makes you more anxious. Telling yourself you’re capable won’t fix imposter syndrome. Analyzing past pain won’t erase social anxiety. Thinking harder about your feelings often traps you in a vicious cycle of self-doubt.
But here’s the key: You can’t directly control your feelings (like insecurity or loneliness), but you can control your actions (like worrying or isolating). So, it’s more useful to focus on changing your behaviors, because those changes can improve your emotions over time.
Sol Bites: Behavior Trumps All
If you want to boost your confidence, feel less stressed, or ease anxiety, you’ll need to change your behavior, even in small ways, despite how you feel. For example:
Want to get healthier? Go to the gym, even if you’re worried about being judged. You’ll feel more confident next time.
Feeling undervalued at work? Speak up in a meeting, even if you feel inadequate. Each time gets easier.
Looking to connect more with other people? Show up to a social event, even if you’re nervous. You’ll start to see you’re not as awkward as you think.
The bottom line: Stop waiting to feel ready to act and act first—the feelings will follow. Instead of thinking, “If I felt confident, I could do this,” try, “I’ll do this even if I don’t feel confident.”
Your actions shape your confidence, not the other way around.
When your emotions are throwing a tantrum, you’re actually wired to take charge and move forward.
Words of Wisdom
You can't control all the events in your life, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.
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