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Maybe you received a formal performance review and heard words like “You need improvement.” Or maybe you overheard a passing comment about your complicated relationship with being punctual (so rude!). Or perhaps you’ve come out of a hard conversation about another behavior that you honestly didn't realize was a problematic pattern.

Whatever it was, the other person’s comments landed wrong. Like, really wrong.

Now your mood just feels . . . off. Your chest feels tight, your face is hot, and you feel that heavy, sinking sensation in your stomach. Without a doubt, you’ve taken everything that’s been said personally, and you’re starting to build up a grudge—even if the feedback was technically delivered “constructively.”

Your logical mind wants to fix-it immediately.

You want to send a defensive email explaining why the other person is wrong, promise you'll change everything by tomorrow, or make a brand new color-coded schedule that proves you’re the most organized person on earth. You may also start drafting a letter of resignation and start looking for openings at other companies—who needs this place anyway, right?!

The urge to justify yourself feels very natural because you want to make that emotional discomfort go away right this second.

But the bitter truth is, you cannot fix a long-standing pattern in one afternoon.

And you definitely shouldn't make a big life change when you are emotionally charged. In the heat of the moment, it’s hard to see things clearly. Before you do anything—before you promise to change your whole personality or quit your job—you need to find equanimity again.

Here are four gentle ways to restore your emotional balance when you feel overwhelmed by criticism:

1. The Butterfly Hug

When we hear something negative about ourselves, we feel scattered. And that’s exactly when you need a quiet moment to collect yourself without having to talk to anyone.

This grounding practice is called “bilateral stimulation” (and it’s recommended by therapists.) The term sounds a little fancy, but the technique helps your brain process the hurt instead of getting stuck in the loop of replaying what happened over and over. This is how it’s done:

Cross your arms over your chest comfortably (like giving yourself a hug).
Rest your hands on your upper arms or shoulders.
Gently tap your hands in an alternating rhythm: Left. Right. Left. Right.
Keep a slow, steady pace, like a resting heartbeat.

The rhythmic tapping signals to your nervous system that you are safe. You can do this for just two minutes in a quiet space (or even an office bathroom stall) and feel a change in your emotional state. (Ekta Hattangady from Sol TV has a great guide on this if you want to see it in action).

2. The Vagal Gargle

When you’re holding back words (so they don’t hurt others) or tears, you may notice a tight feeling in your throat. It’s stemming from physical tension in your vocal cords and neck. You can easily loosen this tension by gargling with water. It will activate the muscles in the back of your throat, which are connected to your vagus nerve, the one responsible for relaxing your body. Your plan:

Take a sip of water.
Tilt your head back and gargle for 1 minute (without choking, of course).
Repeat a few times.

The vibration of gargling massages those muscles from the inside out and helps your heart rate slow down.

3. The Full-Body Unclench

When we feel criticized, we physically brace for impact. We unconsciously clench our jaws, hike our shoulders up to our ears, or hold our stomach in, making it harder to relax. To loosen up:

Sit back or lie down.
Squeeze your toes together for a few seconds, then let them go.
Now move up to your legs. Bend them, then release.
Next, drop your shoulders and massage your jaw (that’s where many of us hold a lot of tension).

This short loosening-up of your body (which shouldn’t take you more than 5 to10 minutes) gives it permission to relax and let go of the physical tension it’s been holding.

4. The Cocoon

Sometimes, criticism makes us feel small. And in that moment, the soothing emotion we crave is love. However, it can be really hard to ask someone to hug you when you’re alone, even though that may be when you need it the most. The trick? Create your own cocoon.

Get a heavy blanket (or two).
Wrap it tightly around your shoulders and body, tucking the ends in so it feels snug.
If you are lying down, put a heavy pillow on your chest.

The firm pressure from the blankets and pillows releases calming chemicals in your brain. As a result, you’ll feel grounded and safe. It’s a simple way to be kind to yourself when the world feels a little too loud.

In the end, it is okay to feel a little bruised after negative feedback. Take a quiet evening, use these steps to get your balance back, and get some rest. The work—and the solutions—will still be there tomorrow.

❝

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