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Holiday time is often wonderfully stressful, and many Sol readers want tips on how to manage the load better. Here are a few simple techniques to try:

1. Quit Worrying About Future Stress

Holiday time will always be stressful, but it’s often made worse by “pre-stressing”—worrying in advance about how stressed you will be later. It’s a cycle that perpetuates stress, anxiety, and exhaustion.

The first step is understanding that worry is a coping tool. You think you’re solving a problem, which can make you feel productive, but all it really does is provide you with an illusion of control over your stress.

The real trick is to replace worrying with a healthier activity. Here are two ways to worry less:

2. Get Good At Asking For Small Favors

One of the best ways to reduce holiday stress is to ask for help. But if you’d rather not ask for Big Help then ask for Silly Help—in other words, ask for help for something so small that it seems insignificant.

For instance, Would you mind taking the cookies out of the oven in a few minutes? Or, I forgot to buy lemons for the party; do you mind bringing some?

These types of small requests won’t reduce your overall stress, but they’ll build your confidence in asking for what you want, or being assertive down the road. The more you practice asking for Silly Help, the easier it will be when you have to ask for help with bigger things. And when you do ask for Big Help, that will definitely offload some of your stress. 

3. Choose a Holiday Focus Word

A mantra is a word, or short phrase to remind you what is important. For instance, athletes will use mantras to center themselves—Bruce Lee’s famous one was “Be like water.”

Select a holiday mantra that reminds you of what is most important to you during this season. It will come in handy if your stress comes from doing too much and saying yes to every request, which results in exhaustion and resentment.

Saying no can be tough, but a holiday mantra can help you focus on your values and remember the bigger yes behind the no. You’ll say no to the last-minute party invitation because you're saying yes to quality time with your kids. You might say no to hosting a gathering because you're saying yes to some volunteer time.

Here are my holiday mantras that I love and use: People before tasks, or Less, but better. 

To make your mantra work for you, keep it visible in your environment. You can write it on a sticky note on your fridge, use it as a prompt in your journal, or set a daily reminder on your phone. 

The goal is to stay focused on your values and what truly matters to you during the holidays.

It’s hard to have a “merry” holiday when you’re already rehearsing the arguments in the shower.

Sol TV Creator Neil Seligman shares four tips on how to manage difficult family meals as the holidays roll around.

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