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Have you seen someone try to quit vaping? 

Their journey is hardly linear. And a promise to quit for 21 days in a row—a common belief about how long it takes to break a habit—is not really true. A person might start out feeling inspired on a Monday morning and vape-free for a few days. By Thursday, though, they might hit the vape pen again, maybe as a way of coping with a tough phone call. The slip-up is easy to justify. Life gets hard.

Then they may enter a cycle of beating themselves up over their failure. Thoughts like, “It’s impossible,” “I can’t do this,” and “It’s so hard” play on a loop, making them feel awful. Eventually, they may recommit, restart, and fail again. To anyone watching this from outside, it looks like the wannabe quitter will never be able to break their habit. But to a neuroscientist, It’s not bad—it’s actually what real change should look like.

In our last newsletter, “How to Rewire Your Brain: A 10-Step Guide to Neuroplasticity,” we shared clear tips on how to change the way you think and behave. But just knowing those steps is not the same as applying them in your life. That application is what we’re discussing today.

As we mentioned, a common belief from the 1960s is that building or breaking a habit takes 21 days. Many people still buy into it, but it’s not true. You cannot expect to transform yourself in just 21 days. In fact, thinking that way often leads to frustration.

In 2010, psychologist Phillippa Lally from University College London conducted a study that ended the myth about how long it takes to build a habit. She discovered it can take anywhere from 18 to 254 days, with an average of 66 days—not 21. That number is just the average, though. For many people, it can take much longer. 

Mel Robbins says: The moment you feel the impulse to do something—wake up, speak up, make a change—you have just five seconds to take action before your mind convinces you not to. Those five seconds are all it takes for doubt, fear, or old routines to kick in. The concept feels basic, but millions of people say it helps them.

Neuroscientists have additional insight about this: Studies on the basal ganglia, the brain area that holds habit patterns, show that environmental triggers can spark automatic responses faster than a conscious thought can form. Before you even realize what you're seeing, your brain is already nudging you toward the routine tied to it. 

In other words, if your environment is packed with reminders of old habits, that five-second delay doesn’t even get a shot.

This is why a crucial part of habit-breaking is cleaning and decluttering. Picture what happens if you’re trying to quit vaping and a vape pen is sitting on the kitchen counter. You’re not even thinking about a puff, but when you walk into the room to make coffee, the scene is already influencing you.

Before a conscious thought even forms, your brain spots the pen, and the craving kicks in without you even realizing it. It happens before you make any choice. Take smoking-related items away, and the trigger disappears. This gives you back those precious few seconds. It can make a difference. 

This is why it’s often better to cut off ties with an ex than to try to stay in each other’s lives. Imagine what can happen when your ex starts texting you—it feels familiar, comforting, and isn’t good for your mental health. Think of your bad habits and patterns like that ex—you need to remove the reminders that will pull you back.

The space around you is either helping the person you want to be, or it’s holding you back. This has been happening all of your life, whether you noticed it or not. And the concept applies not just to the things you keep near you, but also to the people in your life.

Your brain learns by observing, and certain brain cells exist just to mirror what they see other cells do.

Your brain picks up on people’s behaviors, energy, and routines without you even realizing it. It takes all that in and practices it in the background. The people you spend time with aren’t just companions—they influence you.

Picture someone trying to quit smoking, but every night they hang out with friends who smoke. The trigger isn’t only a lighter or vape pen on the table anymore. It’s their friend lighting up right in front of them. The ensuing urge to smoke isn’t that person failing. It’s just their brain doing its usual job—mirroring what it observes.

If you surround yourself with people who already follow the habits you want, your brain will start practicing those instead.

Once you realize that, you have to ask yourself: What do you do when you still make mistakes?

Many people misunderstand what happens when they make a mistake. They see it as proof that their efforts have failed. Things were going great, but then they messed up, and now it feels pointless. But slipping up doesn't mean what it seems.

Your brain works by making predictions. When things unfold as you expect, your brain takes note and moves forward. But when reality doesn’t match what your brain predicted, that difference or that unexpected moment triggers your brain to release dopamine. Dopamine acts as a signal telling you to pause and notice—this is important. It’s not about rewarding you, but about marking something worth understanding. These surprise moments, whether good or bad, are where new brain connections start to form. 

When you mess up and feel awful about it, it’s one of the most active times for your brain. It’s paying attention, not failing. 

A lot of people mistake this for going backward. You feel like it’s day one again even though you’re on day 47 of a journey your brain has been figuring out all along. The times you recommitted, started fresh, stumbled, and stood back up—they’re never a waste. 

Every single one of those moments provided information. Your brain takes something from each attempt. A lot of people talk about a neat list of steps or the excitement of beginning, but this is the messy middle that almost no one brings up. It’s the part where things are tough where it feels like nothing is happening. 

In reality, the environment around you is shifting, the people in your life are evolving or being influenced, and your brain is soaking in lessons from every wrong turn. 

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