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When we were young, we did things without the fear of judgment.
As we got older, many of us started to ask:
“Will this look stupid?”
And because most interesting things look stupid in the beginning, we slowly stopped doing the very things that keep us feeling alive.
Why can’t we all go back to being youthful? And I don’t mean youthful as in aesthetic. I mean having a youthful spirit.
Having a youthful spirit means you take risks without the fear of judgment. Your approach to life is raw and real, and you’re driven by a spark and energy.
As we grow older, we lose that youthful spirit. We lack some of the spark that drives us to pursue anything that is a little risky, requires extra effort, or can be judged by other people. We become smooth and polished.
Sure, being polished has its benefits. It helps you survive meetings. It helps you sound competent. It helps you avoid embarrassment.
But I don’t think polish gives you freedom.
So when I think, “How do you become youthful again?” the solution comes down to two things:
Reflexivity (properly examining your own feelings)
Effort (the real work after the reflection)
On top of that, you also need something that ties them together: brain elasticity.
Here’s how it they all work together:
1. Start with reflexivity. (asking “what” and not just “why”)
Anyone who has some youthful spirit always asks questions.
Questions are the difference between being boring and being youthful and curious.
That’s where the art of reflexivity helps. Asking “why” doesn’t help a lot, but when you’re reflexive, you explore more of the “what.”
The part people miss is that you shouldn’t be asking yourself,
“What am I feeling?”
A more effective question is,
“What feelings am I feeling?”
There can be many feelings.
Then, go a step further and ask yourself: “What are those feelings telling me?”
If you’d like to start a concrete practice, set daily or every-other-day reminders so you can do the following exercise. Begin with a sheet of paper and handwrite your answers to the following questions:
A reflexivity set:
What feelings am I feeling?
What are the feelings telling me?
What are the things that go wrong if I do this?
What are the things that go right if I do this?
“Do this” could be anything: sending a message, applying for a job, publishing a draft, starting a class, having a conversation, showing up imperfectly.
Having reflexivity in this way means seeing both sides and deciding for yourself what the right choice is for you.
2. Make an effort.
Reflexivity is the first step, but it has to be followed by real work. Without any effort, reflexivity isn’t going to take you anywhere.
Make sure you’ve done the following:
You asked yourself “what” questions.
You did not rely on AI for your answers.
You wrote down each feeling, named it, and felt it.
You did all the work of that.
Next comes the hard part: You need to actually make the change that your reflexivity identified you needed.
Sometimes this is very challenging, because we have really hard-wired patterns, which are very difficult.
In that case, the question becomes:
How do I make it easier to do hard things?
The answer is not "more motivation." It is: elasticity.
3. Engage your brain elasticity (restoring youth without substances).
It’s a very well-known fact that doing any mental exercise can help and restore elasticity in your mind, which makes us youthful.
The shift doesn’t happen by taking substances, or shortcuts. It happens through real tactics.
One simple example is doing something challenging on purpose. It should be something that makes you slightly uncomfortable, slightly unsuccessful, and still willing to continue.
Elasticity reps (simple, slightly annoying, but effective)
Choose a challenge, such as writing with your non-donimant hand.
Keep it up even if you’re unsuccessful.
Do something else that is challenging, such as learning a new language or an instrument. Find something that engages both sides of your brain, right and left.
You can improve your brain elasticity by doing things that are slightly uncommon.
And yes, there’s a reason “genius” stories often include music.
Albert Einstein played violin for hours a day, which, by the way, is one of the most difficult musical instruments to learn. He played violin actively throughout his life, which really helped his brain become more elastic, and more fluid to ask right questions.
I love his quote:
“If I had an hour to solve a problem, I’d spend 55 minutes thinking about the problem and 5 minutes thinking about solutions.”
― Albert Einstein
If you have the right questions, you can easily find the right answer. But if you’re always asking the wrong questions, it’s very unlikely that you’re going to find the right answer.
Youth is more about using this reflexivity and learning, increasing brain elasticity.
A small weekly experiment to try!
Pick one “problem” you’ve been avoiding.
Think about it, then answer following reflexivity set questions on paper:
- What feelings do I feel about my problem?
- What are these feelings telling me?
- What are the things that go wrong if I do this?
- What are the things that go right if I do this?
Take the first step towards getting past this problem.
Do one brain elasticity practice for 15 minutes:
Left-hand writing, or another challenging task.
Reflexivity first. Effort second.
Elasticity in the background, making the whole thing easier over time.
That’s what can keep you youthful from within.
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